It's been months since I've posted here, but I've had an idea in my mind for a long time and wanted to talk about it here.  For what it's worth, 2011 was a bit of an eye opener for me.  Not that I was ever oblivious or ignorant on most things, what I've seen during 2011 has given me extra insight on certain topics.  One topic is how the job market is very similar to the dating game.  This post will be pretty self-destructive, but I have to talk about it and go in-depth.  I'd like to think of this as the "cynicisms" of the job market and dating game.   Being buried in more negative thinking could be a small price to pay if enough people read this and can give some useful feedback.  I'm just going to make a list and explain further if necessary.  Oh yeah, and this will be pretty personal; it's stuff I've experienced, but I can't say for certain if other people will equally match the experiences I am just about to put down.  I guess you can say much of this will be anecdotal.  

1.  Online dating is exactly like applying for a job online.  

There are a handful of awesome positions posted by companies like Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, NASA, any Fortune 500 etc and you feel that you fit the requirements and qualifications.  It would be a great job to start with because they're fairly stable companies with excellent opportunities for growth and compensation....But it's you and thousands of others.  You'd be lucky to even get a response that you were REJECTED.  Then there are postings for jobs that don't even exist.  At best you'll have to go to the less popular companies and the smaller ones.  You'll feel you'll definitely have a great shot at these positions because these companies took a bit of effort to find and chances are the competition is less stable.  But there's no guarantee and that's what makes the online efforts quite discouraging.  

Doesn't this sound familiar with all those dating sites? Couldn't you draw a connection between the best looking women on the sites to all those tier 1 banks and institutions that I mentioned above?  Hell, even if I was good, what are the chances of me getting a response if 100 other people also show interest?  Then there are the profiles that are either inactive or "fake", meaning that it's probably some guy behind the account.  Certainly you have no chance of getting a (legitimate) response there!  Then there are plenty of girls you might find on these sites that aren't the most attractive, but you're itching for some dating experience...Lo and behold, I've heard stories of men doing everything right and still not getting responses from even the most unattractive girls on the site.  Attractiveness is relative - someone else might find what I find repulsive to be the most attractive woman ever.  The point is that I feel the odds are still starkly against me in online dating.  

2.  Everything about you can be awesome, but you still won't be a "good fit."

I've had a few interviews where I felt like I was ON the entire time.  I was well prepared, asked the right questions, answer questions perfectly, and came across as a nice, clean cut fellow who could thrive in the environment.  If you've had interviews that didn't feel like question/answer style but rather a conversation, chances are it went well...or so it seems....I even had an interview that a family friend set up for me and the guy was basically head of human resources there.  He even told my parents that I interviewed the best out of all candidates.  Needless to say I didn't get the job because I wasn't a "good fit."  I thought interviews were mainly that last threshold where employers could decide who interviewed the best and then hire that person...Strange.  

For the dating game, it's very similar.  You could go on a date and never be nervous.  You could be ON the entire night and your date could look like she's having a good time too.  Only a few days later, you find out she's no longer interested.  The chemistry wasn't there...you weren't a good fit.  It doesn't matter how good looking you were, how stable your financial situation was, how fun you were, if the chemistry wasn't there, it all means nothing.  

3.  You can't get experience without experience.

Employers, like women, want someone with a proven track record.  For jobs, your resume, and for women, your social skills and "aura", display what kind of track record you have.  For women, it's more of a subconscious level.  Why would any woman want a 23 year old virgin?  Clearly there's something wrong with him and he must have been a loser for most of his life.  But seriously, if you failed to prove that you can go all the way, why would the next girl give you that opportunity?  Especially if you're so late in life that it's expected of you.  23 isn't late, but it's still fucking old relatively speaking.  

4.  Both have their fair share of know-it-alls

Hehe, my favorite part of this post is bashing these clowns.  There's a sector on the internet known as Pick Up Artists (PUA) and there are forums dedicated to helping guys like myself meet women and find hook ups.  There are books and seminars as well.  People are willing to pay for these self-help methods.  They usually have a one-size-fits-all approach that doesn't really think about anxiety ridden people like myself or those with no confidence.  From above, how do you get confidence if you haven't ever succeeded before?  This is a whole different topic, but snapping out of it and becoming happy and confident just isn't reality.  Even if you do find yourself in contact with a woman and you contact these guys, they'll give advice that's no nitpicky and overly analytical.

"Oh, you should have used this word instead of that word."  

"You responded back a day too soon - you should have waited another day!"

"Your tone of voice wasn't congruent with your body language.  You blew it lol"

"Don't do this...don't do that."  

Sound familiar with the job market?  You bet!  There's a whole industry dedicated to helping people find jobs.  There are career centers all across college and all sorts of coaches from resume writing to interviewing skills.  You can bet they are about as nitpicky and know-it-all as the PUA crowd.  They, too, provide that cookier cutter approach where if you don't follow just a small fraction of it, the whole universe bursts into one giant singularity...  

"You bolded this when you should have bolded that in your resume!"

"You asked question B too soon in the interview when you should've waited until asking Question F!"

"You accidently looked over to the right when you answered that one question...now the employer knows you have no people skills."

"Your voice cracked....I'm sorry but you're royally fucked now."

"Your arms weren't position at the correct angle."

"Don't do this, don't do that..."

The problem with these groups is that they've never been in positions like me.  They've always had the right people skills and a natural affinity for such things.  Their advice means nothing as it comes from a different perspective.  For that, they are merely just a bunch of airheads to me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a lot of groups and people have helped other people in my situation, but I wouldn't be lying if I said there was a handful of BS involved in most of this.

5.  Networking is key

Certainly if you know someone in a company, they can forward your resume to the right person and increase your chances of getting an interview.  The more people you know, the better.  You should strive to know as many people as possible because the probability that only a few of them have positions that can influence who gets hired goes up by just enough.  For the dating game, it's somewhat similar.  If you have a network of friends, chances are you'll be going out more and increase your chances of meeting more people.  The more people you meet, the more dates you're likely to get.  Of course, this means nothing if you have the wrong network.  If your network of friends consists of a bunch of equally introverted video game nerds, it's difficult to expand your horizons.  This was arguably my problem growing up, but for the most part, I was more of a loser who didn't really have any friends to begin with.  I was never popular enough to get invited to the parties.  Hell, I didn't even know they existed!  

6.  Over-analyzation is rampant in both

This ties back to number 4.  Instead of a PUA or a job coach asking you the ridiculous questions, you start asking them yourself.  "Did I say this the right way?"  "She said this instead of that...what does that mean?  Did the date go wrong?"  "I took a few seconds to think about that question before answering in the interview...do they think I'm incompetent now?"  Overly analytical behaviors and thought processes are an absolute miserable thing to have in any situation.  This is probably my biggest problem but it's like it's my only one.  

7.  Questions of how other people succeeded in the first place.

Here's where jealousy kicks in - there are a lot of abusive, ugly, pathetic people in this world.  Even they get dates...many get married.  Some get divorced, mind you, but it doesn't matter.  They get some.  I try to do everything right and conform to social norms yet I am unsuccessful.  Because I actually have a job now, I feel I have some slight expertise on the matter related to that - there are a number of eggheads at my job.  Some people have terrible grammar. Others don't know how to do basic things in MS Excel.  Many of them drop the ball on various occasions with all sorts of miscommunications.  Great....these are the people I competed with to get a job at my company.  It begs the question of how they got the job in the first place.  Was the interview all an act?  Should the dating game be all an act?  Another tough question.  

8.  Social engineering has a strong presence.

This is more a of a filler, but the misnomer of diversity and multiculturalism has crippled businesses and hasn't really made any particular industries more efficient.  If anything, some lawyers now have thicker wallets.  This is a bit of a stretch, but perhaps the rise of feminism has made men less powerful in relationships.  THey are no longer the sole breadwinners anymore and so many women simply feel independent unlike maybe many decades ago.  It is what it is I suppose.  

9.  If they don't like you, you're screwed!

This goes back to point #2.  If the chemistry is not initially there, can it be acquired?  I'm not thinking that's possible.  

10.  People move around.

People switch careers and jobs all the time, though this is a fairly new phenomena.  As a result there's a bit of discouragement at your current company because who knows when you'll get laid off and someone in India will take your job?  Why should I put in my 100% if I'll be out on my ass for something out of my control in the next year?  It's hard to be motivated under this new culture.  The same can be said about relationships.  People cheat more and more these days and divorce rates are through the roof.  If you have any fear your partner will do any of this shit, why put 100% in the relationship in the first place?  Sure, you could trust each other for several great years, but one day shit might hit the fan and you wouldn't even see it coming!  

11.  Wow you're great, but we don't actually want you!  

This point really should have been higher on the list as it's fairly relevant to my experiences.  Again, it's similar to #2 but there are a few things I'd like to mention which makes it have its own category.  When I was looking for a job, various people looked at my resume.  There were some awesome things on there - a fantastic GPA in a tough major, but filled with relevant coursework to make myself marketable.  Clearly I was no dummy...quite the contrary.  On top of that, I started my own fraternity and had a good internship.  I even highlighted my German minor on there as well as any associated rewards.  At some point, I put ballroom dancing for my extra curricular activities.  My resume suggested that I was a hard-working, well rounded guy that had interests that could only stand out.  People always told me how awesome my resume was.  Many of those people could have hired me or set me up with someone.  The same can be said about dating - many people have told me about how great I was but those same people didn't want to date me one bit.  So...really, wtf?  These are the same women who end up with boyfriends that no one likes, but eventually get fed up with it only to be left with a few STD's and maybe even unwanted pregnancies!  Then they flock to douchebag#2 and do it all over again!  The job market and the dating scene are both fucking enigmatic.  

12.  Sometimes things just fall into your lap.

I'll end this on an optimistic and positive note.  During the summer when I had just finished a few interviews at random companies, I decided to relax one day and buy a new video game.  I still had interviews coming up, but I had some time to myself and wanted to do something fun.  While I was playing this video game, someone from HR at the company I work with now called me up and wanted to schedule an interview for a different position.  I met with the guys, they liked me, and really wanted me to have this opportunity.  I took the job and the rest is history.  The moral of this story is that this call seemed to come from nowhere, especially if you consider point#1 from above.  I didn't expect it and I was doing something stupid at the time - playing a mindless video game.  Quite an interesting transition of vocal appearance when I had to talk to this HR person.  My job essentially fell on my lap....although it really wasn't random.  I was already active enough in the interviewing game and my "run" wasn't over yet as I had other things scheduled for next week.  Maybe some things do happen when you least expect....

...and that's what sliver of hope I have left in the dating game.  Maybe if I keep active and keep trying to get some dates, the one might come into my life randomly, and that, too, will be history.  All problems solved.  If the job market is in anyway similar to the dating game, I really hope point #12 is included.   

This will be an incredibly weird and unconventional entry.  I will talk about masturbation, the effects it has on me, a potential 'algorithm' to consult on trying to stop, and pretty much anything else that is related.  

The Cons of Masturbating

If you wanted to stop doing anything, it's worth it to investigate solid reasons why you should stop.  Incentive is very important when getting yourself or someone to do something.  These are some reasons why you should stop masturbating:

Less Energy

A lot of times I would shave the carrot before going to the gym.  This was a horrible idea, but I only realized this when I stopped fapping before the gym, and then when I tried fapping before the gym.  The more I masturbate, the more comfortable I am chilling around doing nothing.  I can't waste my days like this.  Even if there aren't really any physical changes, it still affects me mentally.  Mental strength is key for just about anything, and masturbating will make me weaker in that respect.  

Laziness and Apathy

Again, more masturbation means I'm less likely to do things.  But this part has to do more with talking to people.  If I talk to someone after I just masturbated, I'll come off as incredibly dull while being completely uninterested in engaging in the conversation.  Also, I'm less likely to stand up for myself should I be in any conflict with anyone.  With masturbation, you don't seem to care as much, but part of you still cares, but you're somewhat paralyzed, and thus lazy and apathetic.

The real women are out in the real world

I think there's a saying that "Never do for yourself what a woman can do you instead."  No woman has ever really done much for me, but I do have a lot of belief in this statement.  In theory, I could jack off to porn all day, or a real life woman can satisfy me.  One way of release is borderline fake, while the other is real, no question about it.  Remember the next time you watch your favorite pornstar ride some guy's dick.  Then remember this:  That's not you and there's no one riding your dick except your hand.  It isn't real!  This point was what helped me go for a 10+ day abstinence back in 2007 - the first time I had abstained from masturbating ever.  I've never sky dived before, but I've seen other people do it on video and it sure looks awesome.  I'm sure there are ways I can trick myself into thinking I'm doing it when in reality I'm not, but of course, I'm sure nothing beats the actual sky diving part, when you're doing it for real.  Remember, the porno you fap to isn't real.  The women in the real world, are.  

It's a waste of time

This is kind of a corollary to the previous points, but is worth noting for completion.  A good fap can take 30+ minutes, clean up included or not.  In the old days, I would download porn on p2p and wait extra long for the movie to finish.  Do this a few times a day and you can waste a lot of time for sure!  Just think what else you could be doing in those 30 minutes you spend.  I'm sure it's something a lot better.  

Dehydration

I think this only affects me, but after I fap, I have need to get a glass of water.  I can't explain it, but that's just how it happens.  If I believe I'm thirsty, I'll get a drink, whether it's a mindfuck or not.  

More peeing

Well, more water means more peeing, but there's a different context I want to touch up on.  Apparently, when you jack off, the tubes in your organs get a bit messed up.  I don't really know or understand the science of it, and there is an explanation out there, but next time you jack off, let's see how long it is before your next pee.  My guess is, not too long.  It's actually a bit worse...you can get a tingling feeling down there as if you have to pee but in reality, you don't.  Your mind/body thinks you do, so it keeps you a bit fixated on that.  Very bad if you're trying to sleep.  

Porn corrupts the mind

You don't have to jack off to porn, but most people do.  I'm not going to go into why porn is bad, because there are many articles on it already.  Like I said earlier, the real women are out in the real world - not in some file on your computer.  Jerk off to porn too much and your vision of real women gets heavily distorted.  

The Pros of Not Masturbating 

You could argue that these lists can be combined into one and most of these are just opposites of what I posted above.  However, there are different things I can say whether I'm on the pro or con side.  

More Energy

I've gone without masturbating only to find myself bouncing off the walls and unable to sit still.  I just want to get up and do stuff.  This is great for the gym.  Only after the first few days does this give me a slight boost in strength, but as a whole, I can still add more movements to my repertoire without really succumbing to fatigue. I don't need to take as long rests in between stuff either.  People will want to hang out the energetic people, not the losers who fap all day and are too lazy to do anything.  

Better Sleep

I have a sleeping problem where I wake up to pee 1-2 times a night. After many of us jack off, we have to pee soon after. Even if we do pee, we might not get it all out and our body still thinks we have to go. That tingling sensation kind of sticks for a bit and for me personally, it does disrupt my sleep. By not jacking off, I'm peeing a lot less and can sleep longer without having to get up to pee. ALso, by having more energy, I don't need as much sleep. I can do 6 hours of sleeping while abstaining and that will feel the same as 8 hours after I just fapped.  So, more energy and less required sleep?  That's one hell of a deal!  

More in tune with people

Hard to explain this one, but let's just say a lot of fear I had talking with others is gone and I can ask them more stuff about themselves. People like this. Also, I feel like I'm not acting as goofy or saying stupid shit. I feel like i'm on a higher level in normality.  Conversations are better connected and things get more interesting.  This part right here has been a huge influence for why I try to stop fapping every once in a while.  again, hard to explain why this happens, but I can still appreciate the results without worrying about how they happened.  

Less anxiety

Less things piss me off.  I have my own problems just like everyone else.  Some of them are flat out weird and some are very debilitating.  However, not fapping makes me rise a bit above those problems and they don't become as big as issue.  Unfortunately, abstaining for certain periods of time will make me think about the release and make me lose focus on other things, and thus I became irate, but it's a battle I can accept in this great war with myself.  

Taking Back the Domain

Don't think of this as a step by step approach to becoming master of your domain.  It's merely a collection of guidelines you should follow for best results.  Everyone is different.  Different things tempt different people.  Since this is my article, much of what I will say will apply to me especially, but I shall keep it fairly general so it can get an audience with people who are much different than me.  I've given some incentives above for why one should stop masturbating and I hope this methodology below can make that journey a bit easier.  

Ask yourself:  When do I fap the most?  

Everyone's answers will be different, but see if you can find a pattern...is it before bed?  Is it straight after a workout?  Do you rub one out after waking up in the morning?  Even if these aren't habits for you, have you fapped during these times at least once?  This advice should come in handy.  Personally, I do most of my fapping after the gym.  Based on the reasons I posted above, it is a prime time to fap, but what if you want to stop for good?  For one, after your workout, get in the shower immediately and change into your normal street clothes.  Since I'm dirty after the gym, it's no problem for me to fap right when I get back to my computer.  However, I feel hesitant about fapping when i'm in clean clothes.  Less likely to fap then.  What about you morning fappers?  Your best bet is to get in the shower immediately.  Head to work early if you have to.  Start your day off strong and quick.  TOo early to go to work?  Go to the gym!  Night fappers will have it tougher.  They may feel it helps them go to sleep and if they don't fap, they'll be restless all night.  What you can do instead is read a boring book...well, it doesn't have to be boring.  

This advice won't be useful for everyone, but the underlying tricks are to fill the gaps between events in your daily routine with more useful things.  Don't waste time.  If you sit around, you'll think "hey, I have time for a quick fap!".  Bad situation.  You should strive to be busy so you don't even think about fapping.  

Ask yourself:  What tempts me?

For me, even THINKING about porn will later lead me to jacking off and finishing.  I'll think of the name of a random pornstar - could be someone I've seen videos of, or just the name sounds familiar.  I'll look it up at home, see pictures, and before I know it, my pants are unzipped and it's out!  The question is, how do these ideas get into my head?  I don't know.  Also, it doesn't have to be a pornstar, it could be someone I know in real life who's very attractive.  Maybe I'll see a hot pic of some chick on facebook and a few minutes later I'm fapping it off.  Overhearing discussions of girlfriends or even sex has been known to tempt me.  Sadly, I have no interesting methods of dealing with all the temptation.  I think it's a willpower thing.  If I can justify myself abstaining using some the reasons I discussed above, maybe it will be a bit easier.  If my willpower sucks, then I really don't stand a chance.  

I'm busy but I still have time to fap!  

I've been a victim of this.  It will be a thursday night and I'll be up late doing whatever.  I may have to get up at 5 the next morning to get to the gym before work.  You'd think I should be in bed early, but somehow I still have time to fap.  I'll rub one out, regrettably.  Perhaps in a situation like this, the best choice would be to go right to bed.  Sounds like a lot of willpower is required, but that is of course, the main ingredient for all of this.  

The slippery slope

I've noticed that if I can go days without fapping, I might stumble one day and succumb to the temptation.  Then I'll fap like 3 more times the following day.  I feel guilty that I lost the self-control and figure that since i'm currently down, I might as well just do what i enjoy - fap my heart out.  I think the best approach is doing this once every week, but that's so hard for someone like me.  

The ENd

Ok, this entry was too long.  I'm definitely forgetting some things, but I doubt anyone else will read this.  I know what I have to do.  I know why I must not fap.  I know the consequences of my weak willpower.  This fapping thing is a curse I'll have to fight.